On PSU campus I never would have said I was conservative. I
saw people screaming at a Christian preacher in the park quoting the bible.
They would yell at him that he was a bad father because he brought his son
along with him to hold up a sign.
Not being a religious person and clearly seeing that the kid
looked more board than anything I thought, who cares. It is only later that I
realized the impact that scene had on me. I noticed that if you spoke up and
did not share the commonly held public opinion than you would be an outcast.
It was my second year in college that I took a class called
Politics for Change. That was the year George W. Bush was re-elected. In class
the teacher had us sit in a circle and talk about how we felt that Bush was
elected. One girl cried and said he was sad that Bush was going to invade Saudi
Arabia and that all the young men were going to get drafted once he reinstated
the draft.
At the time I did not take much notice of it but that also
impacted me more than I knew. When it came to my turn to share I said “some
people thought it was good and others did not.” A non-answer but I was a shy
kid still trying to figure out college.
My life is full of these little moments. People ripping on
Conservatives and Republicans as if they are too stupid to understand anything.
Jokes made about George Bush and how much of an idiot he was. Everyone laughed
at these joke, some were even funny. Professors blasting Republicans, although
this happened less frequently then is commonly thought.
I do not know if it was my natural contrarian nature, just a
rebellious spirit, or a calm level headedness but I came to identify more and
more with Conservative ideas. Freedom of Speech, the right to bear arms,
individual liberty.
Whatever I was politically I definitely knew I was not what
my peers were. Yet all through college I got a bad feeling for liking
conservative ideas or holding conservative opinions. I liked conservative talk
radio but I did not listen to it around friends. I only spoke up once during a
women literature class and got completely ignored by classmates and the
professor.
It was not until several years after college that I become
more interested in politics. I still felt like it was unacceptable to be a
Republican. It was just accepted truth that Republicans were bad and anyone who
held conservative ideas was stupid at the least or intentionally malevolent at
the worst.
I spent a lot of time not sharing my political opinions
while other shared them. I conditioned myself to not speak up. I saw how people
were treated when they did and I was too socially awkward go through that.
I am not sure if it is age or just the chaos of the time we
live but I have realized that I cannot be silent anymore. I look back at my
experiences and wish I would have said something then. I know I cannot change
the past but only go forward.
In the past I felt ashamed to have the ideas I had. Now I
realize that people were shaming me. Not directly but social pressure is real. I
am not a victim because I silenced myself.
I now realize I do not need to be ashamed to have
conservative ideas. That my ideas are just as valid as any others and that they
have value. They are worth fighting for.
I just wish more Republican politicians understood that too.
I will no longer apologize for my conservative ideas. I not
only owe that to myself but to anyone who might have felt like I did. Sure it
is a bit rough at first but in the long run it is worth it. I will stand tall
and proud and do not care if I get attacked or called names. I now know that
even if I am attacked at least I stood free, that I held true to my ideas of
freedom of speech and individual liberty.
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