The Intent behind the Question

I have seen this happen with greater frequency, particularly among Facebook groups. Someone will post an image, a screen shot, or a screen grab of a conversation. They will than make a comment and follow it up with a question.

More Than ‘Just a Question’

The question is not asked in good faith or with the aim to seek the true answer, but to provoke a specific response and feeling. Typically the response and feeling desired is anger and/or outrage. The purpose to provoke this response and feeling is polarization, which is a fancy way of saying division.

This is not to say the original poster rationally thought this out and made a choice to cause division, they probably do not even know this is what they are doing. In fact they are probably just as upset about what they are sharing as those who see it.

The truth is we all have things we do without thinking about it. We do not think about why we are doing it, what doing it will do for us now, and what sort of impact it will have in the future not only for ourselves but for those who we are connected.

The devious nature of these posts goes deeper. It hides its malicious nature behind a defense of, ‘I’m just asking a question.’ This allows the original poster an easy option out when confronted. This is the path of least resistance and feeds off our natural human nature to avoid pain and discomfort.

By avoiding this pain and discomfort we deny ourselves of an opportunity grow. We shut out having to go through the discomfort of being mindful of what we are doing and in doing so avoid the pain associated with being wrong.

Asking questions is generally a good thing as long as they are asked properly. By properly I do not mean questions people approve of, but questions seeking truth and understanding. Questions asked in good faith not questions asked seeking a specific answer or to provoke an emotion.

Responding

When you see this type of devious question being asked naturally you may get defensive and possibly angry. This is perfectly natural and simply means you are human. It is your body saying something is off about this.

If you recognize there is an agenda behind the question the impulse to pull away or to call out the asker is strong. These questions are a form of manipulation and no one enjoys being manipulated. Pulling away will only leave the person asking the question in an echo chamber and positively reinforce this form of manipulation.

Calling out the asker will only further entrench things creating more division. So how do you respond? You answer the question honestly and ask follow up questions seeking clarification. Remember the person asking the manipulative question probably does not know that they are trying to manipulate people.

More likely than not they felt an emotion and reacted without mindfulness. You responding in the same way will only make the matter worse. Be generous with your forgiveness because sometimes we all act not knowing what we do.

This is the best way to respond because sometimes you might be wrong. Responding by answering honestly and asking follow up questions leaves room for the fact that you might be misinterpreting the question. In my experience by doing this you will exchange sowing seeds of division for sowing seeds of respect.

It is by reaping this crop of respect that we can produce the more valuable product of unity.